


He don't want to be saved (don't save him)

by Pollarize



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cats, Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, those tags go well together i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7719358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pollarize/pseuds/Pollarize
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cold metal and shaking hands, what do you think about?</p>
            </blockquote>





	He don't want to be saved (don't save him)

**Author's Note:**

> this started because of a guns for hands post on tumblr idk anymore. i wrote some tags that a lot of people were really upset about and then this was a thing
> 
> Translation into русский [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4655700/12056087?show_comments=1#com46635040)

Tyler had his low points but this was by far his lowest. His final? He wished.

 

His parents were never concerned about controlling their guns. They should have been. They never thought that Tyler would sneak down one night and pull a pistol off the rack and hold the cold metal in his hands. They never thought that when he said he was sad sometimes that he really meant he was chronically depressed, that he was suicidal and counting down the hours until he took his last breath.

 

So they had never been concerned about anyone taking a gun for any reason. They made the thoughts in Tyler’s head run wild with literal possibilities.

 

He took it to his room, sitting down and the metal in his hand felt so heavy. He broke down then but it was a happy feeling that had him crying. He was finally free, finally able to say he was at the end of his life. 

 

He lifted the gun to his chin, placing it under and taking in a deep breath. He imagined pulling the trigger, knew that it would be painless, he’d be dead so fast, it wouldn’t even hardly matter. He was terrified. He wasn’t terrified of dying. He was terrified that he’d miss. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t stay still and he was terrified that he would pull the trigger and miss. That he would still be alive and his family would know, they would see. He would be forced into therapy, help, a hospital, whatever they decided. He wouldn’t ever get such a chance again. Tyler was terrified. 

 

He waited and waited, hoping for that sense of calm to wash over him, for his hands to stop shaking so that he could finally end his miserable breathing. It didn’t feel like it was coming any time soon but Tyler was stubborn. He could sit here until morning if that’s what it took. 

 

He thought about how traumatized his family would be, how upset people at school would be to know they missed all of the obvious signs. He thought about how his dog that was sleeping peacefully at the foot of his parents bed would never understand why he left and wouldn’t come back. 

 

None of those urged him to put the gun down.

 

His shaking slowed, a few tremors running up and down his spine but it was enough, enough calm that he could pull the trigger and be sure that he wouldn’t see another day. Tyler whispered thank you to anyone that listened and breathed out. 

 

_ In, out, in, out,  _ he breathed and breathed, recounting every memory that was worthwhile. It was his game over screen and he wanted to experience his good memories one last time. He refused to think of  _ Him  _ because Tyler knew that  _ He  _ was a reason to live. Tyler didn’t want to live.

 

But it seemed life had plans for Tyler that didn’t involve the bite of a bullet. His phone buzzed on his bed, over and over and Tyler lost his resolve.

 

“Fuck,” he whispered, the tears and shaking starting back up again. He reached over with his free hand and unlocked his phone, staring at the screen until the tears fell away and he could read.

 

_ Josh: dude look at these cat vines i found _

 

_ Josh: Sent one new [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_teB4ujKzdE) _

 

_ Josh: Sent one new [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWUqENctOvo) _

 

_ Josh: Sent one new [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iPMazni3FA) _

 

_ Josh: i saw them and thought of you _

 

Tyler let out a small laugh, his laugh turning into a sob because he was thinking of  _ Him  _ and he couldn’t do it. 

 

“Fuck,” Tyler whispered as he set the gun down onto his bed spread and sighed. He watched and rewatched the videos, sent a few texts to Josh, telling him how thankful he was for the stupid videos. He joked about how they saved his life and Josh joked back about it.

 

He never understood that Tyler was serious.

 

Tyler didn’t want to be saved but he wanted to be with Josh.

  
He wanted Josh, he wanted Josh, he wanted to be saved.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [here](skelebreaux.tumblr.com) also bc someone asked, the post with the tags i was talking about is right [here](http://skelebreaux.tumblr.com/post/148666503200/power-tothelocal-dreamer-guns-for-hands)


End file.
